If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
