We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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