I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
