i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
