totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
His nipple licking is glorious
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