I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
