this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Just invented taco cereal.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
