did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
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Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
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Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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