Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I think my fart just growled at me.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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