u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
We are all done wearing pants today
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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