So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
