i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
