just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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