me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Come share oat with me in your robe
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
