But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Randomize
