I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
