Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
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The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
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Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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