so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
