im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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