God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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