I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
