the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
