So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
