note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
