Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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