you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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