He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
