i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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