I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
