just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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