if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
