Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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