I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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