maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
