Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
