Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
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I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
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Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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