$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Randomize
