I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
