Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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