if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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