You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
