i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
