Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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