Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
