something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
