Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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