Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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