She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Randomize
