I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
