shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
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He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
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The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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