I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Less talking, more tequila
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
