were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
