Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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