She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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