you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
