is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
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