he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
