Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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