Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
