so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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