Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
