Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
