I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
