the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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