I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
