She announced her abortion via fbk
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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