i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
