those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
