i barfeds in our rink
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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