3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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