I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
