Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
