I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I can't turn off my feet"
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
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