It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
