Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
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i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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