I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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