Come see our sink grown plant.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I have fence marks all over my body
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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