she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
