Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
