I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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