As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
