I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
