This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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