Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
We talked him into tasing himself.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
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