he wants to bone in the snuggie
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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