Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
